Winter Snowfall
by veronicaleandra
Summary: Winter was a harsh time of the year, yet the snow was so pure. It brings the pain of the past and yet hope for the future.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters *looks longingly at Neji*

This is Yaoi. So if you dont like dont read. Also non consensual sex. you have been warned

Winter was a harsh time of year, even for a shinobi. The wind was howling all around, the sound like the keening of a wounded animal. This suited him fine, he was after all wounded.

Neji huddled in his jacket, trying to stay warm enough so he could get get away from the assessing stares that followed him around. Those eyes were skilled in learning secrets most would prefer to remain buried, it was after all what some of them were trained to do, just like…..

Those gazes reminded of the biggest mistake he had ever made. The mistake of loving someone who he wasn't entirely sure loved him back. Back then he had ran as fast and as far as he could from him.

It had seemed to be the right decision at the time, but now he realized he hadn't done anything but run away from the aftermath of the incident. Run away from the people who had accepted him, mentored him, played with him, took care of him, comforted him.....loved him.

He was still running today, away from those who reminded him of the past, and the pain that it invoked. He was a coward. He had managed to resolve nothing and yet he couldn't bring himself to regret that because he knew, no matter how much he wished his memory would black out the time his entire world had fallen apart, it wouldn't. He would carry those memories for his entire life and that was a fair price for his stupidity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What? They found out about us? How?"

Kakashi's pained gaze ate at his heart like acid. The other man hadn't wanted anyone to know about them afraid of what his team and Neji's clan would do. They both knew that the Hyuga clans leader, Hiashi, did not accept homosexuality because it would not create new members of the clan. Kakashi's team was also another worry.

Naruto would hate Kakashi. After Sasuke raped him the time he had found him in Orochimaru's old hideout, he had despised all homosexual people, believing them to be evil. This was easier for his simple mind to process and his way of coping.

Although it had pained him, he had agreed to keep their love a secret. The only people they told were the other members of his squad and Kakashi's old friends Asuma,Kurenai and Gai, who had accepted them without censure. That acceptance had nearly moved him to tears. Him, the ever stoic Jounin prodigy from the Hyuga clan. His emotions had been nearer to the top ever since he and Kakashi got together.

"Jiraiya saw us and added us to his disgusting book along with a picture Neji!"

Avoiding Kakashi's angry gaze he stared down at the Icha Icha book, dread pooling in his stomach as he stared at the big bold print.

"Hyuga & Hatake. The Genius Lovers' Special addition with Real Life Pictures"

This couldn't be happening. He had been so careful so that they wouldn't get caught. He marked their chakra and even made a barrier seal that would keep people out and not able to see. However the proof that he hadn't been as careful as he thought stared up at him from the cover of the filthy book, the picturestaring up at him accusingly It was from their anniversary yesterday.

Neji had planned for weeks with what to surprise Kakashi with for their first anniversary together, even going so far as to beg Team Gai for help and bargaining with Tsunade to get Kakashi home in time. He had to do 2 extra Anbu missions but it was worth it. It had went as planned in the beginning, both of them relaxing under the romantic settings. A simple brush of those soft lips against his and the sparks had flown. They ended up making love right there on the field.

"You told me that we were alone Neji. You said no one would be able to see us!"

"We were Kakashi I swear, no one should have been able to see!"

Neji was near tears as Kakashi glared at him, his black and his red sharigan eye both accusing him silently. Was it his fault?

Pain was ripping through him, he knew Kakashi hadn't wanted anyone else to know but how could he react like this? Their love was special, not something to be ashamed of.

"I saw Naruto this morning."

"Wha--?"

Dread filled him. Naruto was Jiraiya's atudent and confidant, He wouldn't have been able not to brag about something like this to Naruto, he never found about Sasuke so he wouldn't know not to mention anything. There was no scheduled meeting for the teams this morning and Naruto was going on a date with Sakura so for him to have sought out Kakashi could only mean something bad. He waited for Kakashi to speak, feeling his stomach tighten with dread.

"He came to tell me that he hated me and said I deserved to die. That unless I renounced my evil gay ways he would ask to be reassigned to another team and then kick my ass if I ever went near him again."

Tears flowed down Neji's cheeks from the pain reflected in that deep voice. He couldn't believe this was happening. Their perfect little world was being ripped apart. What would he do if Kakashi decided he wasn't worth this? How would he stay with konoha and see him everyday?

"Neji, I...I…I"

Oh god he was going to say it. Say it was over between them, say Naruto, who he considered a son, was more important.

He felt his heart shatter a little at the thought of losing his lover. Kakashi had become his everything. His reason for getting up in the morning, his reason to come home alive from a mission, his reason for living. Would he be able to survive without him?

"I can't hide this anymore. I don't care what everyone else thinks. I can't let you go, I love you more than anything in this world."

His lips twisted bitterly as he remembered those words. At the time he was foolish enough to believe in them. He was older now and wiser. Those words rang hollow to him now, because what came after that proved to him that Kakashi hadn't loved him, not as much as he claimed he did, if he ever did at all.

"I can't do this anymore Kakashi, Force you to choose between Naruto and me. He think it's my fault any way, he'll forgive you as long as I'm out of your life."

"Out of my life? What do mean by that, we are both ninja's under Lady Tsunade you know."

"Tsunade is willing to let me leave the Anbu and travel around collecting intel in other villages for Konoha. That way everything can be right for you again. Let me do this Kakashi. Let me fix your life since I am the one that messed it up to begin with. It's the right thing to do."

A fist loaded with chakra hit his face with a stinging blow, knocking him backwards into the wall. Pain radiated from his cheek, and he reached up touching the rapidly swelling spot. Kakashi had just hit him. This wasn't possible, Kakashi wasn't a violent person, not towards him just enemies. The second blow on his jaw surprised him even more than the first one. Tears streaked down his cheeks as he looked up into Kakashi's face, something was very, very wrong. That wasn't his face, those hatred twisted features couldn't belong to his Kakashi. It was just impossible, he would never let his emotions surface that far.

"Kaku---"

This wasn't his Kakashi, this was someone else. His Kaku was sweet, gentle and so loving to him, no matter how deadly he was to a enemy ninja. He would never do something like this. Blows were rained on him, but he didn't feel them, didn't even bother trying to block them. He couldn't, his mind couldn't even grasp that this was happening to him. It had to be some kind of genjutsu.

His body was swollen and bruised. Clinically in a distant corner of his mind he decided he probably had a couple of broken ribs and a broken ankle.

The sound of a vest hitting the floor drew him back into reality. Pale lilac eyes looked to the naked muscular chest in front of him, comprehension dawning in those special he tried to activate his byakugan but failed. There wasn't enough chakra in his body.

"Don't bother Neji. I've been steadily draining it ever since this discussion started."

"What? NOOOO!!!"

Neji backed away, trying to stand up so he could run but failing, his broken ankle turning under him with the sickening sound of grinding bone. With a low pained moan he let himself slide to the cool floor unable to do anything, the pain sapping what little strength he had left.

Merciless hands grabbed him, holding him down as Kakashi ripped his pants off, exposing his lower half to that angry gaze. He felt so helpless. He was a Jounin and he could do nothing but use his voice to plead with could stand anything. Anything but this, this defiling of what they had shared over the past year. Tears fell freely from lilac eyes, his panicked filled voice beseeching his tormentor, his love, begging for mercy.

"Oh god Kakashi, please no, not this, anything but this."

His pleas fell on deaf ears, Kakashi slapping him again for his pleading.

"Be quiet Hyuga. You want to leave me? Fine, But I'm going to have you this one last time."

A raw scream tore from his throat, bouncing around off the walls of the empty apartment, as Kakshis's large cock breached his body. Blood dripped down form where they were now connected, the tender skin there ripped from the force of the other.

As Kakashi moved in him, ignoring his pleas and cries of pain he knew that he was being ripped in two, His mind, his soul, his body.

Tears slid down his cheeks as he remembered the vivid details of that night. The pain Kakashi had inflicted on his body was trivial compared to the wounds it had left on his psyche, and his soul. The wounds on his body had eventually healed, but he didn't think the others would ever go away. They were constantly there, aching inside of him. Making him feel like a different person.

The therapist he saw now in the Snow Country told him the reason they never went away was because this episode in his life was unresolved. He said this like every Shinobi didn't have unresolved issues. It was a load of bull to him. He never wanted to see Kakashi again. He had snuck out after the copy ninja passed out for that very reason. The other members of his team tried to come and see him, but he refused all efforts.

They reminded him of a past that was beautiful, yet painful. He had no desire to return to that place in his life, and pretend nothing had ever happened. A new wetness hit his cheek. He looked up realizing that the first snowflakes of winter were falling. A smile lit his face as he stared entranced at the pure white falling from the heavens. Maybe just maybe, one day he could be like the snow.

Pure again.

Please read and review. Just for you guys to knwo this storyline was taken form one of my older fics i wrote on lj and i edited it to use nejixkakashi


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